Toms touch up

I saw a blog on spray painted toms and I WILL be doing this asap. I have a pair of grey ones that are old and this would be perfect to freshen them up.

Not knowing

 

I am working on the not knowing what is going to happen next thing. I am working on being ok with not knowing. I am learning over and over again that this it not my strongest trait. Fate I am ready now. Dont I deserve this?

Hero

I was watching Footloose and I heard this song. I LOVE this song. I am totally going to find the chords and learn the song on my Guitar.

Make this

I want to make this I think its great. I would use a different quote but I love this

Mom

shh dont tell my mom, but, this is what I am attempting to make her for Mothers Day.

Back yard Scrabble

She is a little obsessed with Words with Friends on her phone and I thought that this would be perfect for her. If any of you have any great ideas on a moveable game board then send the ideas my way. I only have 2 weeks to do this so I need to get going on it. I am pretty excited to see if she likes it or not.

I decided to make a few mini ( 8x10 ) posters for my new (one day) apartment. I had some old canvases that I put pictures on with mod podge. They are hot pink, black and white. I antiqued the edges too on the Eiffel tower pictures. They just so happen to match my new pillows I made too. Now I just need to move out so I can decorate!

New hair

I have had a copper hair color for almost a year now. A new color was well over due. This was my inspiration.

cant sleep

I havent been able to sleep tonight. After cleaning and listening to music I started thinking about something. It is almost the 3 year mark of the last time me and my dad talked to each other. I have been thinking about my family especially my dad. I keep having this piercing feeling that nags at me. The feeling is that I need to work on the relationship I have with my dad. I have had reminders of how fragile life is and how quickly our loved ones can be taken from us. Do I really want to waste any more time I have with my dad? Do I want the last time I talked to him to be the last time we talked? For that to be the last memory either of us have of each other? Problem is I dont know how to go about talking to him again. Its not that easy. We have quite the past and I have my reasons for not talking to him. I dont see the problems that led to us not talking being any better and I dont think they have been fixed. I dont know that they ever will be. I want my family in my life I want my dad to know me and I want to be around him more. I got in a fight with my brother yesterday and he told me that when I get married if I get married in the Temple he wont be a part of any of my wedding that day. He told me he doesnt want anything to do with that day if I chose to get married that way.I couldnt believe hed say that to me. It hit me deep. I realized that not him or my other brother or dad will be at the Temple with me on that day. That is their choice. I just wish it didnt affect me in the way it does.I want more then anything to have my dad there when I get married but with how things are I just dont see that happening. It makes me sad the people I want with me wont be. In a way they arent with me now either. Our difference in belief has put such a space between us as a family.  I hate it. I want my dad in my life. Despite all weve been through he is my dad and I just want him around. I want him to want to be around. I miss him.

Pillows

 Apparently my new thing is making pillows. Here are some I've made recently.

I want to use these on a couch when I have my own apartment

Purple

Front of pink and white polka dot

Red one for my bed in my room

Maybe tomorrow

I worry about writing this because I am sure you will all think I am some depressed girl who needs to keep things to myself. There is something so therapeutic about writing things down and clearing space in my thoughts. I find life to be so back and forth. There are so many ups and downs. I feel like my life is either really good and a lot seems to just be going right or its just down. I was so happy. A few things I had been wanting for a while started to finally happen for me. This past month I had a lot of really great opportunities going for me and I remember having such and appreciative attitude. Every day I had a grateful feeling about all that was happening to me. I was truly happy. Now I dont feel that way and I am just sad. I get that feeling that creeps in that I am not worth happiness and that I wont get those things that I want most. I feel like Im not deserving of those things not because of who I am but because of it just being the way things are. Its times like that when I want nothing more then to shut off the thoughts and drown them out. Replace them with thoughts that are good and happy and worthwhile. I hate that life is so up one moment and then it is down. I remember a talk I heard a while back that the speaker mentioned this. His wife told him that the ups and downs are a good thing. She compared it to a heart monitor that the peaks and ups and downs was a symbol that you are alive. I was talking to a friend about this and she mentioned to me that things could always be worse and its true. Things can be worse and they can be better at any given time. There is this one thing that I've been trying to get. I'm not any where close to it and it frustrates me because I am trying but this one thing is always a maybe tomorrow for me. I get close to it but still haven't gotten it. I'm tired of that. I want to feel like my maybe tomorrow isn't always going to be that. I want to feel like its something I will eventually have but in these downs of life I feel like its something I'm never going to have. I'm tired of the downs. I hate the downs. I will cry for no reason other then being a side effect of the downs. So for now I am in the downs ( hating it but trying to find a way to love it and bear it) waiting till the good comes. I know the good will come... its just a matter of getting there. This saying keeps coming up in my head usually when I just want to give up. Someone once mentioned it and it has always stuck with me, " I can do hard things." I know I can get over this I have before and I will the next time I'm stuck in the downs and like she said, " I can do hard things"... and I will because that's life and the downs mean I am alive.